Martha Shmartha

I can't wait to see Wickedly Perfect. It's a new reality show for a bunch of Marth Stewart wannabes. I would so be on that show except I hate cameras. I'd be perfect for it for these reasons:

1. I'm a good cook. Really good.
2. I'm a perfectionist.
3. I thrive on stress.
4. I can shriek like a harpy.
5. I love planting gardens.
6. I wouldn't hesitate to run over neighbors to boost ratings.
7. Did I mention that I can cook?
8. And that I've organized my spices by alphabetical order?
9. I can't sew, but I can crochet!
10. I love handing out handy-dandy tips.
11. I'm a know-it-all.
12. I'm kinda snobby.
13. I can give the show some indie cred.
14. I'm the interior decorator in the family.
15. I'm all over the crafts, too.
16. I could even have a meltdown when my souffle deflates.
17. You know you want to see me throw the hors d'oeuvres at someone.

The only problem is that I'd spend the whole time avoiding the camera. That wouldn't make for good ratings, would it? Or would it?